結婚 vs. 單身

選擇結婚抑或單身, 從以往的"非自願"到現今的"自願", 令我們看到社會和人與人之間的不同及改變. 話雖如此, 但每年仍然有許多人選擇婚姻這條路, 即使外面的世界在告訴我們, 這條路一點也不易走, 許多人更屢敗屢戰, 甚至屢戰屢敗.

二十年前, Newsweek的報導, 作了一個驚世的言論: a 40-year-old single woman was "more likely to be killed by a terrorist" than to ever marry. 即是說, 單身女人到了40歲, 給恐怖份子殺死的機會比出嫁的機會更大!

今期Newsweek一篇文章便以"Marriage by the Numbers"為題, 回顧廿年前雜誌封面故事:"The Marriage Crunch". 今期訪問廿年前的十四個女士當中的十一個, 其中三人當年與今天想法及選擇的異同:

Andrea Quattrocchi (二十年前是個在波士頓某酒店工作的行政人員; 36歲結婚, 現在是三個孩子的母親, 全職家庭主婦)
廿年前: I want someone who likes all the things I like. Like if they hate sailing, that's really a deterrent.
今天: Meeting my bushand and having a traditional lifestyle as a mom... I feel blessed.

Laurie Aronson Starr (二十年前29歲, 35歲開始擔心, 39歲結婚, 丈夫本身有三個孩子. 她今年49歲, 人工受孕後產子, 兒子快4歲)
廿年前: I'm not a little spinster who sits home Friday night and cries.
今天: I wish I would have found the right person earlier and had more children.

Lillian Brown (50歲的單身女人, 收養了一個孩子)
廿年前: I've come to terms with being a single woman and being quite comfortable in that role.
今天: At this stage in my life, I certainly don't see any reason to be married... I have a great cadre of friends.

廿年後的今天, 人們的婚姻狀況其實沒有廿年前所預計的差. 今天的美國, 第一次婚姻的平均年齡是25(女人)及27(男人). 這個現象當然沒有反映離婚率的上升. 不過, 那十一個接受訪問的女士, 沒有一個離婚, 雖然現實是, 遲婚和婚姻成功沒有太大關係. 然而, 新一代的社會學者都紛紛研究遲婚和它衍生的現象.

這個二十年的研究可說是令人鼓舞, 起碼不是想像中悲觀. 急於結婚的單身人士已經不像以往般擔心. 紐約心理學家Bonnie Maslin說道: "I just don't think the alarmist mentality is there anymore, I just don't see the franticness."

有說X世代人(Generation Xers)對婚姻有真正的承諾, 因為他們都看到父母一代離婚. 有"恨"嫁的女人愛看那些新娘雜誌, 同時, 其實也有不少男人憧憬結婚那天.

Sally Jackson, 二十年前是一個在波士頓從事公關的行政人員, 很滿意單身生活. 47歲那年和一個認識多年的男子結婚, 數星期前她說: "Being blissfully married is better than being blissfully single, but not by that much." 數天後她又打電話到Newsweek說她之前其實說謊: "Being married is really a lot better."

單身與否, 每個人都有不同的看法, 研究顯示, 今天沒有當年預計的壞, 婚姻這條路仍然是許多人的選擇和人生目標之一.

Courtesy of Newsweek

Technorati tags: marriage, single women, newsweek